ADVICE: AUNTIE AGNI

Dear Auntie,
I find myself in a distressing situation and need your help. I fell head over heels for a girl, named K, when I was just 17 years old. We met at a tuition center and it was love at first sight. I was completely smitten and, after a great deal of persistence, finally managed to get her contact number. It took nearly a year of chasing after her before I could muster the courage to reach out.
Initially, I was reluctant to reveal my true feelings and intentions. I started chatting with her and, over time, gathered the nerve to confess that I loved her deeply and wanted to marry her. I made it crystal clear that I wasn’t just looking for a casual relationship; my feelings were sincere, and I was determined to tie the knot if she felt the same way.
I assured her that I would take care of everything else, including speaking to our parents. Before we started the relationship, I also disclosed that I have attachment issues; when I become emotionally attached, it’s incredibly difficult for me to detach.
Unfortunately, as time passed, I began to notice that her interest in me was waning. She started distancing herself, ignoring my messages and calls, and, ultimately, me, without giving any reason. After two and a half years of being in a relationship, I find myself in a state of deep distress. I waited a year before starting the relationship, and now I am suffering immensely.
This situation is causing me profound pain and I am at a loss about what to do or how to move forward. My attachment issues are exacerbating the situation, affecting my health and causing me to constantly replay memories of her in my dreams since she left me.
Regards,
Her Devotee
Dear Devotee,
This is really tough. Falling in love and then feeling the object of your affection pull away is heartbreaking, especially when you’ve put so much into it emotionally.
First off, your feelings are completely valid. It’s okay to be hurt and so you should take the time to grieve this. Your attachment issues are making it harder to let go, which is also understandable. But remember, sometimes love doesn’t turn out the way we hope, especially when we’re young.
It sounds like K’s feelings for you might have changed. I know that’s painful, but it’s important for you to acknowledge it. If someone starts to distance themselves, it usually means their priorities or emotions have shifted. As hard as it is, sometimes it’s better to let the person go rather than hold on to them. The relationship isn’t working for them anymore.
For now, the best thing you can do is focus on yourself. Try to spend less time thinking about her and more time doing things that make you happy. Reach out to friends and family, or focus on activities that you like to do, to help you get through this. If you feel comfortable, talking to someone you trust, or even a counsellor, could be really helpful in dealing with your attachment issues and moving forward.
I know it doesn’t feel like it now, but time is a great healer, my friend. Over time, the pain will ease.
Disclaimer: If you or someone you know is in crisis and/or feeling suicidal, please go to your nearest emergency room and seek medical help immediately.
Auntie will not reply privately to any query. Please send concise queries to: [email protected]
Published in Dawn, EOS, September 1st, 2024